Goro Akechi (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
foolishjustice) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
phonetasmal2018-05-07 06:36 pm
foolishjustice) wrote in phonetasmal2018-05-07 06:36 pm
Calling the Old Man Out
[Goro has barely been seen since getting back from the Fissure, only leaving his room briefly to eat a couple times a day, coffee in hand and looking half asleep. Now, though, he seems to finally be properly awake...at approximately 8PM.]
Good...erm, evening, I suppose. I’m sorry I’ve been so absent lately, that Fissure must have taken more out of me than I thought.
But, now that I’m recovered, there’s something important I need to tell everyone. The last batch of new arrivals included a man named Masayoshi Shido. He’s my father, and a truly despicable man, who has had numerous people killed for his own convenience or benefit. He even had my mother killed to cover up the scandal of my birth.
[Here he holds up a phone, showing a picture of Shido...with what looks like avocado and cheese smeared on his face and a shrimp up his nose, wearing the most tiredly Done expression as he reaches for the offending crustacean.]
I injured him in the forest in retaliation for the things he’s done to me, one of my boyfriends, and countless others, but don’t mistake him for someone who deserves your pity. He’s physically not much of a threat, but he is a skilled schemer and manipulator, and-
[ Which is the moment that the video will shake, and a very brief flash of a familiar face (spoiler: Akira’s) can be seen. Off-screen, he’s gently pressing a kiss to Goro’s cheek, whispering that he loves him. Don’t mind the view of a ceiling for a moment, guys - it’s a nice ceiling, at least?
… He’ll properly make it up to Goro, later, if he can? For now, though, he gently brushes the fingers of one hand through his boyfriend’s hair. Akira’s face can properly be seen, after he takes a quiet breath. He looks… well, how most would remember? Only with a bit more of a tiredness to it, maybe.
Though, that’s not taking away from how serious he looks as he speaks. ]
... and, while Goro is right about all of that, there is one more detail I feel should be taken into account. Shido isn’t a good person, but he’s well-aware of that now. He’s done unforgivable things, but his eyes were opened to all of it after his ass was kicked.
[ JUST SAYING… ]
Anyway, nobody has to worry about him. Besides, he knows if he tried anything, he’d have to answer to all of us from his world, and then some.
[ JUST SAYING... ]
[This is the point where Goro takes his tablet back, looking a bit huffy.]
It’s true, he isn’t likely to be a threat now. But he absolutely doesn’t deserve anyone’s kindness or sympathy.
Good...erm, evening, I suppose. I’m sorry I’ve been so absent lately, that Fissure must have taken more out of me than I thought.
But, now that I’m recovered, there’s something important I need to tell everyone. The last batch of new arrivals included a man named Masayoshi Shido. He’s my father, and a truly despicable man, who has had numerous people killed for his own convenience or benefit. He even had my mother killed to cover up the scandal of my birth.
[Here he holds up a phone, showing a picture of Shido...with what looks like avocado and cheese smeared on his face and a shrimp up his nose, wearing the most tiredly Done expression as he reaches for the offending crustacean.]
I injured him in the forest in retaliation for the things he’s done to me, one of my boyfriends, and countless others, but don’t mistake him for someone who deserves your pity. He’s physically not much of a threat, but he is a skilled schemer and manipulator, and-
[ Which is the moment that the video will shake, and a very brief flash of a familiar face (spoiler: Akira’s) can be seen. Off-screen, he’s gently pressing a kiss to Goro’s cheek, whispering that he loves him. Don’t mind the view of a ceiling for a moment, guys - it’s a nice ceiling, at least?
… He’ll properly make it up to Goro, later, if he can? For now, though, he gently brushes the fingers of one hand through his boyfriend’s hair. Akira’s face can properly be seen, after he takes a quiet breath. He looks… well, how most would remember? Only with a bit more of a tiredness to it, maybe.
Though, that’s not taking away from how serious he looks as he speaks. ]
... and, while Goro is right about all of that, there is one more detail I feel should be taken into account. Shido isn’t a good person, but he’s well-aware of that now. He’s done unforgivable things, but his eyes were opened to all of it after his ass was kicked.
[ JUST SAYING… ]
Anyway, nobody has to worry about him. Besides, he knows if he tried anything, he’d have to answer to all of us from his world, and then some.
[ JUST SAYING... ]
[This is the point where Goro takes his tablet back, looking a bit huffy.]
It’s true, he isn’t likely to be a threat now. But he absolutely doesn’t deserve anyone’s kindness or sympathy.
video; elevencrows
Whether it will ever be enough is not what matters. What matters is whether you try anyway.
'Evil' is in the actions that you take, and the motivations behind them. It is no inherent quality. Just like good, it is a decision you make.
So the question becomes, what have you decided to do?
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[What has he decided to do... It's why he was trying to figure out who he was now. Then what he should do would follow, right?
But he doesn't know. He's as lost as ever. Yet time keeps moving on. He cannot do nothing.]
I've not yet decided. [The utter honesty is... frustrating, and it shows on his face a bit. He doesn't feel in control of himself...] There is little I can do here to right the wrongs I've made elsewhere. [. . .] But it is my duty to repent, so my actions will be guided by that.
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But even so, his face softens, just a bit.]
Let's change the question, then.
If we removed the concept of repentance from the table, what would you do?
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Lose my mind, most likely.
[There's a lot going on in his heart. It's too cluttered, it's missing pieces, some are broken and put back not quite in the right away. It's nonstop chaos in his head, ever since that fateful day. His expression and voice immediately harden again.]
It doesn't matter. Rest assured that I will not sit idly by. I will do what I must to atone.
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[Beat.]
The question matters, because what direction you would apply yourself in anyway can shape the path with which you would atone. It would be meaningless for me to try to atone by healing people, because that is not within my natural ability and attempting to learn... Well, here it would be much easier, certainly, there do no seem to be near as many limitations on magic, but back on Eos it would have just been a waste of my energy. Using the skills and inclinations you already possess on your path of atonement is not shameful, it's practical.
And also...
[He glances away from the camera of his phone for the first time, looking perhaps a bit sheepish and running a hand through his hair. The politician is gone, now, replaced by a man who comes off as more his physical age, were it not for the fact that he is clearly very tired.]
To atone is work. It is not living. No matter how little you may think you deserve it now, humans cannot live without joy.
And if you seek to stop being cruel, that must also include being cruel to yourself.
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[He's kind of frustrated and starting to lose his composure as a result. But he inhales, forcing that anger back down.]
I hardly see why I should. I've done nothing but be selfish my entire life. I've dismissed the lives of people time and time again, as mere collateral. I have taken blatant advantage of and threatened my family, not once, but multiple times.
The hell that I live in now is entirely self-created.
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... Unfortunately, it won't be until next week that he finds anything wrong with it.]
Because it does no one any good. And so it is just as selfish to wallow in it rather than doing anything.
...A lesson I have difficulty with myself, but you gain nothing by not trying.
[He exhales slowly, making a bit of a face off to the side before looking into the camera to make "eye contact" again.]
If you wish to make yourself anew, then pick a direction. Even if it is by blind chance, and even if you wind up at a dead end. Who you are, who you will be from now on - you will not discover that by standing still.
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[Pick a direction, huh. He supposes there is merit to that. Perhaps he has been selfish yet again by getting so caught up in himself. How typical.]
I... [A breath. He switches to Private] If I must pick a path, then it is my duty to make it up to the children I have caused to suffer. But they all hate me, and rightfully so.
So the question comes of how I can help them when my very presence causes so much stress.
-> Private
They hate you because you've hurt them. And you cannot make such wounds heal in a day; even a magical healer has no power over them.
Right now, the wounds are fresh and new and bleeding the infection that they have carried for a very long time. You need to give it time, and space, and allow them to sort themselves out. Constantly being in their faces - even with something as well-meant as an apology and an attempt to make up for things - will only cause them more stress. There's a reason you immobilize a broken bone instead of trying to use it, a reason you aren't supposed to pick at sores.
[That's why he's let both Ardyn's family and Prompto do their own thing, as much as he's been able.]
Don't become obsessed with making it up to them immediately. Instead, act as though they weren't here, for a few weeks. Let them see for themselves that you are person who has changed your path. That's the only way that you'll have any luck in getting them to build enough trust in the person you now are in order for them to even tolerate being in the same room with you.
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Perhaps for the other children, but not my son. I hardly intend to force myself constantly into his life, but I will not disappear from it. [He's actually getting rather passionate as he talks.] I have already done that once in my life, and that is perhaps the biggest reason why he has suffered so much for all of his life.
[He lets out a breath.]
I might have considered something like that before, but... of his own free will, he continues to approach me. The way he has reacted to my attempts at consoling...
[Quietly:]
I do not believe those are the actions of a boy who wants to be left alone, no matter how much he hates me and how much that wound still festers.
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I suppose that is fair enough. But - I see how he behaves, how he thinks of you, and it worries me. He is on the far side of the border of obsession, and an obsession of hatred is far worse than one of love.
Both as someone who considers him a friend, and as someone who raised my own children, I am concerned about him simply sinking down into a spiral of that.
[He closes his eyes and sighs.]
I do know well enough what it's like to be desperate for someone's attention in that way, and so I will say this - if you simply allow him to have whatever he asks of you, it will do neither of you any good. It is too late to have any kind of traditional parent-child relationship with him, but as a person engaging with another person, you must set a boundary somewhere.
[He smiles faintly.]
Even if that is a bit hypocritical of me to say at this exact moment. To say it is one thing and to act on it yet another, after all.
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[About needing boundaries. Shido felt so indebted to Akechi that he was willing to give him anything he desired. But there does need to be some kind of cut-off point— for Akechi's sake more than anything.]
The last thing I want is for him to spiral further into darkness because of me. No more.
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I can't tell you where that boundary should be for you. That's something you have to decide for yourself.
...For me it was "every member of Ardyn's family gets one punch, no weapons allowed," if that should help.
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Two of them already got their hit in on me.
[But that doesn't feel like remotely enough for the pain he's caused them... That's the problem, isn't it? There isn't a "too far" for him...]
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[Those matching bruises sure were a thing there.]
Just remember that physical suffering doesn't really make things all that much better. For anyone.
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[You don't survive politics without knowing something of the dark side of people.]
Regardless... Physical injury doesn't earn you redemption, only the exasperation of the medical team. At least make some effort to avoid it?
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I think it's about time to stop focusing so much on what I want and start taking action, anyway.
Though... I am rather woefully lacking in transferable skills.
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[The smile is warm, in spite of the morbid comment..]
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The question then is where a powerless human can make himself useful. Out on the field... I would more likely become a liability.
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