[voice] un: masayoshi shido

[makejapangreat]

[He doesn't use video bc quite frankly he looks like Shit. So he uses voice. It's Not Much Better?]

How the fuck do you be a decent person...

No, wait.. [Give him a second.] How do you— know who you are? [???] Recently, something in me changed... was changed, forcefully, and...

[He's lost??? He's quiet for a few moments, before he growls. It sounds more like a groan.]

Nevermind. What is there to do around here?

[get some fucking rest shido????]

Comments

text; luciferskylight

[burninglight]

You consider what you did or who you were and examine if that's the sort of person you still want to be. Understanding who one truly is, especially after some sort of emotional upheaval, is no easy task. It takes time, work, and the support of those willing to help someone that may not have been a good person in the past.

Also, you sound fucking horrible. I'm aware half the station's said as much, I just thought I'd drive the point home.

[makejapangreat]

[The advice has him quiet. Does he still want to be the person who he used to be? No, certainly not. But for selfish reasons, mostly. Having a functioning guilty conscience sucks if you know the things you're doing are fucking awful.

Yet some part of him is disturbed— again, selfish motivations. Where does the selfishness end? Is there darkness so deeply entwined with his soul that not even a Change of Heart could rid him of all of it? Is that why he feels torn between being good because his heart insists that that's what's right, and between saying fuck everyone, no one here gives an honest shit about him anyway, and no one ever would so why the fuck should he care what happens to any of them?

The advice has him so deep in thought that he reads the last bit without really feeling the sting of being told he sounds horrible, Yet Again. Every time he starts thinking of this, everything gets muddled inside of him and he just feels so fucking lost and it's the worst feeling in the world and he hates it.]

I'm hardly a good person now, either.

[The voice comes out a bit stronger, a growl of frustration with layers of bitterness and stubbornness and god knows what else. It's almost a challenge. You don't want to be one of those supportive someones to an awful man who won't even fully accept that he's been made better, do you?]

[burninglight]

A lot of 'decent' people aren't 'good' ones. It leans into an issue of semantics at times, but occasionally the distinction of the gray area is an important one. I'm sure as hell not a good person, but I like to think myself a vastly better one than I used to be.

[makejapangreat]

[A harsh bark of a laugh.] I'd hardly call myself decent, either. But good for you.

[he's not.............. jea...lous..........???]