[video]

[moonlightglory]

[Video start: Faith's face. She's apparently in her room, and looks about as serious as she always does.]

Good evening. I have a very important announcement to make, so please pay close attention.

The best, in fact the only good man in the universe is now here at this very station. Allow me to introduce you to him.

[The camera swings around as Faith walks across her room to point at something. It's... an aquarium. Coming gradually into focus is a small, blue fish.]

Everyone, meet Walnut. Walnut has only kindness in his heart. He will never do or say anything to hurt you, and he will keep every promise and do everything in his power to make the world a better place.

It is very important to me that you appreciate this fish. Appreciate him. Appreciate Walnut.

...I'm gonna need to find a source of fish food.

Comments

[redmeguca]

If anybody doesn't appreciate this fish, I will hurt them. This fish is amazing.

[moonlightglory]

I don't know who this is but we are now friends

un: RossoFantasma

[redmeguca]

Oops, forgot to log in. I'm Kyoko, and I would die for Walnut.

[thinkingwithmahous]

[Brainwashed cult voice.]

I appreciate Walnut. Walnut is life. All hail Walnut.

video; ariadne

[daughterofthemark]

I know of several other good men, but I will most certainly appreciate Sir Walnut, especially after your glowing testimony.

text; selfrecurrent

[plentyfriendly]

He's beautiful, and will surely do no wrong.

[moonlightglory]

No clue who that is
There's a bunch of new people

[moonlightglory]

I'm glad that the Hand has been defeated, so that we can install Walnut as the new world leader.

[moonlightglory]

In recent years, Walnut has arguably been there for me more often than my parents.

[moonlightglory]

He is incapable of doing wrong
I mean, what would he do, he has no arms

To video

[redmeguca]

Hold on, let me just switch to video.

[And with that, Kyoko's face is revealed.]

Ta-da.

[moonlightglory]

Neat. Welcome to the weird shithole at the edge of space.

[thinkingwithmahous]

Truly, an age of enlightenment lies in our futures, under the iron yet caring fist of Walnut.

[daughterofthemark]

You're most fortunate to have such a good friend!

...though perhaps your parents could stand to "step up their game," as it were.

[redmeguca]

It's not that bad. Where I'm from, that was a shithole. Or did you mean, "lots of crap ends up here?"

cosmicgirl

[thecompletionofthings]

All hail Walnut!

[thecompletionofthings]

He's a betta, right?

[moonlightglory]

Glad we're on the same page here.

How's things, Marco, I got my fish back.

[moonlightglory]

Half moon betta, about two years old I think

[moonlightglory]

Nah, I'm just a cynical asshole. Objectively speaking, this place is way less fucked than Florida was.

un: ravusnoxfleuret

[giltfoil]

I accept this determination. The fish is superior.

[thecompletionofthings]

Then he will attack and kill other fish, but only if they get up in his grill so arguably that's not wrong

[redmeguca]

...I'd say something in Florida's defence, but I've actually got nothing.

[moonlightglory]

It's not really their fault, I guess. I basically didn't have any contact with them between the ages of twelve and eighteen.

[thinkingwithmahous]

Oh you know. Relieving the mind numbing stress of being lost in time and space by shitposting about fish.